13 weeks bump

Wipe out!

I woke up this morning feeling like absolute CRAP. The nausea, which I thought was starting to subside (a little), has taken a huge turn for worse. Even taking a shower, which often makes me feel a little bit better, was horrible. I had to stop and rest multiple times while getting ready to prepare myself to puke... thinking that maybe if I did finally puke, for once I might actually feel better.

I finally got the guts to brush my teeth and BAM, vomit (well, water) everywhere... At that point I was running so behind I actually called work to say I'd be running late because I felt so crappy. Packing my lunch (as usual) was torture. As I climbed into the car, I continued to battle horrible nausea and considered just calling off. Driving down lear nagle road was a slow process, and I spent every moment of that long road trying to convince myself to suck it up, call off and go back home. The thought of calling off work today seems silly. What if the nausea gets worse tomorrow?! Am I gonna spend the rest of my days home when I should be saving these days for Maternity leave? So I trudged along. I almost turned around at the gas station before I got on the highway, but continued on... Finally, as I pulled onto 480, I said out loud "Kerri, you are committed now. You are going to work"

Yesterday was super icy and Mark even called me to warn me that the parking lots were icy and to be super careful. (awww... how sweet). Today was much better. It was already 8:45 and I'm sure my first patient was probably waiting for me... I grabbed my bags and started my trek into the building. Suddenly, I was front-first and flat on the ground.

I burst into tears. "Are you F*ING kidding me?!" I was covered in muddy water from my arm straight down to my knee - all along my right side and front. I have NEVER fallen at work and of all FREAKING times in my life... it has to be when I'm pregnant with TWINS?! I got into work and immediately called Mark and the OB's office - they told me to come in right away. My boss let me go right away.

Mark met me at the OB's office... she tried to find the heartbeat(s) and could only be certain of one... so we got a quick sneak peak at our babies with an abdominal ultrasound... except the equipment was so old we could only be certain of one baby at a time (were we looking at the same one?) so we got a transvaginal ultrasound and got to see both babies and their beating hearts :) What a huge relief. (after a very scary morning)

Rainbows!

Saw two rainbows on my way to work today - at the same time... although this isn't actually them... quite similar - it was a beautiful reminder from God that he promised to watch over my two little rainbows

Church

We went to church today for some additional peace of mind and to tell Father John our news. He was SOOO excited and even suggested that we name one of the babies John... Actually, if we didn't name one of the babies John, he promised to "accidentally" change their middle names to John during the baptism.

During his sermon, his overwhelming message of "trusting God" was repeated so many times that I spent most of mass crying. It was exactly what I needed to hear as a scared new mommy with so many risks running through my head. My eyes teared up throughout the communion song "be not afraid." Being there gave me the peace I'd been looking for.

When we told Father John about our twins, he immediately blessed both of us as parents and blessed my uterus. I thought Mark would find it cheesy, but even days later, he's remarked "I'm so glad Father John blessed you."

Me too.

hey God are you there? it's me, kerri

Although prayer had already been a LARGE part of the trying to conceive and pregnancy journey, I still haven't been as connected with God as I have been in prior years.
When we were trying to conceive most of my prayers were "okay, God, this is up to you. Whenever you feel its right for us to be parents is super cool with me. I'll trust you have a plan. I'm a little frustrated with your plan, but will just go with it"
Since getting pregnant most of my prayers have been "Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you" with oodles of tears. If he doesn't know how thankful and greatful I am at this point, well... I'll just keep thanking Him. Wow! Holy blessings.

At this point though, I am now scared to BITS. I went upstairs and reluctantly left my laptop downstairs for some much-needed sleep. I was tearful and frantic as I climbed into bed. Mark had told me he was done listening to my panicked tirade and I had no where else to turn. So I grabbed my bible from the other room and started rummaging through it for ANYTHING. Any sign, any hope, anything... I read through a few psalms. Some reassuring passages, but nothing that really "spoke" to me. I continued to tearfully look for a sign. ANY sign that God was there. I finally calmed down a little, closed the bible and climbed out of bed. There was nothing else I could do at this point, so I placed the bible on my dresser gently and put the cover back on it. I then placed my hand on top of the bible gently - In my head, I heard a man's voice... who gently, quietly whispered "Trust me"

Holy CALM washed over me. "Okay, I'll trust you."

bi-corn-u-wha?

Went back to the OBs office again, since with TWO babies I had lots of questions. Since my first appointment, I was supposed to make a high-risk appointment with the Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist (MFM) at the big hospital downtown. Due to my mixed connective tissue disease, we were going to need extra monitoring due to the increased risk of miscarriage and stillbirth associated with one of the clotting factors i have in my blood. I hadn't made that appointment yet, which the OB wasn't thrilled about, but I reassured her that I wanted to make sure the babies were okay before I went making more appointments (at this point i knew they were okay, so my excuses weren't very good).

She answered all my questions, but then asked me a question I NEVER saw coming

"Has anyone ever told you you have a bicornuate uterus?"
"Um... no, why?! Do I?!"
"The radiologist seems to think you have one... although he seems to think everyone has one. It just means you might go into early labor"
"Oh, okay"


A bicornuate (2 horns) uterus is a birth defect where the uterus doesn't develop correctly and each half fuses together into a heart shape. Basically this is the only info I have from my OB/Gyn notes (because it is sooooooooooo rare).
Well, my brain takes longer to process these types of things, so forgive me for panicking late. BUT HOLY CRAP!!!! Twins already come early, so now you're telling me my early babies are going to be super early? I came home and began to frantically research this. not enough room for babies. growth restriction. early birth. stillbirth. only documented case of term twins in bicornuate uterus? WHAT??? ONLY????

I was crying as i tried to hang onto ANY bit of positive reassurance the vast internet could possibly give me. I couldn't find much. (Let me remind you... I am my own worst nightmare.) I was absolutely panicking. Mark had to listen to my panic attack out-loud and finally lost it, yelling "IF YOU DON'T STOP SEARCHING RIGHT NOW AND GO TO BED..."