Although prayer had already been a LARGE part of the trying to conceive and pregnancy journey, I still haven't been as connected with God as I have been in prior years.
When we were trying to conceive most of my prayers were "okay, God, this is up to you. Whenever you feel its right for us to be parents is super cool with me. I'll trust you have a plan. I'm a little frustrated with your plan, but will just go with it"
Since getting pregnant most of my prayers have been "Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you" with oodles of tears. If he doesn't know how thankful and greatful I am at this point, well... I'll just keep thanking Him. Wow! Holy blessings.
At this point though, I am now scared to BITS. I went upstairs and reluctantly left my laptop downstairs for some much-needed sleep. I was tearful and frantic as I climbed into bed. Mark had told me he was done listening to my panicked tirade and I had no where else to turn. So I grabbed my bible from the other room and started rummaging through it for ANYTHING. Any sign, any hope, anything... I read through a few psalms. Some reassuring passages, but nothing that really "spoke" to me. I continued to tearfully look for a sign. ANY sign that God was there. I finally calmed down a little, closed the bible and climbed out of bed. There was nothing else I could do at this point, so I placed the bible on my dresser gently and put the cover back on it. I then placed my hand on top of the bible gently - In my head, I heard a man's voice... who gently, quietly whispered "Trust me"
Holy CALM washed over me. "Okay, I'll trust you."
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